Humor
WHAT IS LIFE WITHOUT HUMOR?
The section below presents bits of humor written by Foxenwood resident John Singh. Please try to understand and appreciate his wicked sense of the absurd, and also: he loves his wife, who is often the target of his humor, and she loves him back!!
VALENTINE'S DAY
I survived 2021 disasters, now what? Yes, we had COVID, tornados, floods, riots, looting, and then I was informed by my wife February 14th is Valentine's Day. Really!! I survived all last year and now Valentine's Day. Some of you know how I feel about this made-up day. I call it retail, flower grower, chocolate maker, jewelry pusher, card maker day! Ok, people, we need to start planning. I understand the credit card is still warm from Christmas expense, but so what, it's only money and the government can print more. Remember true love is expressed by flowers massed produced by chemicals that poison the land! How can we not forget the card with loving sayings written by an underpaid child in a sweatshop far away, and let's not forget the chocolate that helps put on weight so our loved ones can no longer fit in their clothes, so they need to go shop some more. Wait, I forgot the jewelry, nothing says I love you more than a hunk of metal mined from a jungle far away. Do not worry, those miners have a 401k plan - I meant to say an AK47 plan. Yes, it's the day of love, because the rest of the year I do not love my wife, or is this extra love my wife day? If you see me in the neighborhood going through your trash, I am just looking for bottles and cans. My wife said to show my love she needs a Rumba. Nothing says love like a self-propelled vacuum. Happy Almost Valentine's Day.
THE HALLMARK CHANNEL
Help me with this Hallmark Channel. My wife watches this Hallmark channel every day. She even turns it on when she is not watching. If you have not seen this channel, it is all the same, a guy or girl comes to town, falls in love and it usually happens at Christmas. Always a happy ending. The fact I have to see Christmas in July is ridiculous. Now she thinks we need to get a Christmas tree and leave it up all year. Really!!
Bad enough in October we seen stores selling Christmas stuff. This Hallmark stuff is addicting. I came back from the gym and was just innocently sitting on the couch and the channel was on. I ended up watching the show for 20 minutes. It's' so addicting, like caffeine. Just for your info the guy ended up marrying the girl and inheriting a farm. I was thinking a lost millions of brain cells. I'm very emotional and now I find myself babbling on about nothing. Hum!! Stay away from this channel. Please keep the wives away from this stuff, it's dangerous.
TREASURES AND STUFF
My wife has Treasures and I have Stuff. Before I committed myself I had a few possessions, some clothes, bed, set of black and white checkerboard sheets and a TV. Life was good and simple. Now I own GuNomes, full china dish set, stuff made of metal that hangs on the wall, and a garage full of Christmas decorations. My wife calls these her Treasures. Just came home the other day and noticed the house had been thoroughly cleaned. Something was going on. Then I saw it, the GuNomes all three sitting on the little tables near our fireplace. She said it was for fall, but I knew what she was up to. Yes this is how she slowly starts decorating the house for Christmas in October. It is like the frog in a pot of cold water, you slowly turn up the heat. He will never notice. My wife is clever. I never knew I bought GuNomes, they just showed up one day. She says all the Treasures are Ours. I do not want them to be ours. I do not want to own GuNomes, or the stuff on the walls or the china set. She had the Hallmark channel on the other day; yes she found out the parental code, guess what they were selling? GuNomes. When I see the UPS or FedEx driver I get anxiety. I see posts of people stealing packages. Please please steal ours. It is the only hope I have. I own Stuff, she calls hers Treasures.
The section below presents bits of humor written by Foxenwood resident John Singh. Please try to understand and appreciate his wicked sense of the absurd, and also: he loves his wife, who is often the target of his humor, and she loves him back!!
VALENTINE'S DAY
I survived 2021 disasters, now what? Yes, we had COVID, tornados, floods, riots, looting, and then I was informed by my wife February 14th is Valentine's Day. Really!! I survived all last year and now Valentine's Day. Some of you know how I feel about this made-up day. I call it retail, flower grower, chocolate maker, jewelry pusher, card maker day! Ok, people, we need to start planning. I understand the credit card is still warm from Christmas expense, but so what, it's only money and the government can print more. Remember true love is expressed by flowers massed produced by chemicals that poison the land! How can we not forget the card with loving sayings written by an underpaid child in a sweatshop far away, and let's not forget the chocolate that helps put on weight so our loved ones can no longer fit in their clothes, so they need to go shop some more. Wait, I forgot the jewelry, nothing says I love you more than a hunk of metal mined from a jungle far away. Do not worry, those miners have a 401k plan - I meant to say an AK47 plan. Yes, it's the day of love, because the rest of the year I do not love my wife, or is this extra love my wife day? If you see me in the neighborhood going through your trash, I am just looking for bottles and cans. My wife said to show my love she needs a Rumba. Nothing says love like a self-propelled vacuum. Happy Almost Valentine's Day.
THE HALLMARK CHANNEL
Help me with this Hallmark Channel. My wife watches this Hallmark channel every day. She even turns it on when she is not watching. If you have not seen this channel, it is all the same, a guy or girl comes to town, falls in love and it usually happens at Christmas. Always a happy ending. The fact I have to see Christmas in July is ridiculous. Now she thinks we need to get a Christmas tree and leave it up all year. Really!!
Bad enough in October we seen stores selling Christmas stuff. This Hallmark stuff is addicting. I came back from the gym and was just innocently sitting on the couch and the channel was on. I ended up watching the show for 20 minutes. It's' so addicting, like caffeine. Just for your info the guy ended up marrying the girl and inheriting a farm. I was thinking a lost millions of brain cells. I'm very emotional and now I find myself babbling on about nothing. Hum!! Stay away from this channel. Please keep the wives away from this stuff, it's dangerous.
TREASURES AND STUFF
My wife has Treasures and I have Stuff. Before I committed myself I had a few possessions, some clothes, bed, set of black and white checkerboard sheets and a TV. Life was good and simple. Now I own GuNomes, full china dish set, stuff made of metal that hangs on the wall, and a garage full of Christmas decorations. My wife calls these her Treasures. Just came home the other day and noticed the house had been thoroughly cleaned. Something was going on. Then I saw it, the GuNomes all three sitting on the little tables near our fireplace. She said it was for fall, but I knew what she was up to. Yes this is how she slowly starts decorating the house for Christmas in October. It is like the frog in a pot of cold water, you slowly turn up the heat. He will never notice. My wife is clever. I never knew I bought GuNomes, they just showed up one day. She says all the Treasures are Ours. I do not want them to be ours. I do not want to own GuNomes, or the stuff on the walls or the china set. She had the Hallmark channel on the other day; yes she found out the parental code, guess what they were selling? GuNomes. When I see the UPS or FedEx driver I get anxiety. I see posts of people stealing packages. Please please steal ours. It is the only hope I have. I own Stuff, she calls hers Treasures.